Living The Defining Decade

The following is a reflection written by Christina Cunha, one of this year's Little Village House Volunteers.

“Eighty percent of life’s most defining moments take place by age thirty-five”.  My jaw dropped and eyebrows lifted as I heard more and more of the facts: Personality changes in our twenties more than any other time in our lives.  Our brains cap off their second and last growth spurt in our twenties.  Our twenties are the defining decade of our adulthood.  I suddenly had a reality check hearing all of this just a couple of weeks ago at our Amate fall in-service day.  Thirty is not the new twenty.

Our fall in-service was a time for the 28 of us to reflect on wise words from our staff about Dr. Meg Jay’s book The Defining Decade - Why Your Twenties Matter and How to Make the Most of Them Now. Our day was divided into three parts: work, love, and spirituality in our twenties.  I think it is safe to say that I was not the only one feeling uneasy when talking about how to take control of our twenties, and ultimately the rest of our lives.  This unsettling feeling slowly passed however by the end of the day, and was replaced by a sense of empowerment—once I realized how I can take control.  

Coming to Amate House was definitely an opportunity that I could not resist.  Meg Jay describes twenty-somethings as airplanes taking off from LAX.  One slight change in course can cause the plane to go to a completely different part of the world, just as one good break can have an inordinate impact on a twenty-something’s life.  I just finished Dr. Jay’s book, and I couldn't help but think she was directly speaking to me in this part, given that only two months ago I myself flew away from my home in California to my new home with Amate—LAX to Chicago.  The sense of empowerment that I walked away with after the in-service was from the realization that I have a great amount of power and influence in how I want the rest of my life to look.  Fortunately, Amate House is a way that I am investing in myself and positively influencing the course of my twenties.

Dr. Jay talks about how important it is for every twenty-something to invest in identity capital and to grow by forcing yourself outside your closed circle.  Identity capital comes from choosing to do something that adds value to who you are and is an investment in who you want to become.  I never thought that I would be teaching phonics reading classes to high school students this year with Amate.  I feel challenged, overwhelmed, and often incompetent as a teacher.  Luckily, Meg Jay notes in her book that if I have these feelings, I am working in a job that is allowing me to reach my full potential (thanks Dr. Jay!)  I feel that in this position I am growing, while also ensuring that I gain identity capital. Dr. Jay also emphasized how important it is to not huddle together with like-minded peers.  We grow by using weak ties, finding new jobs, new friends, and new opportunities outside our comfort zones.  Well, I can’t really think of a better way to do all of these things than moving to the other side of the country and joining the Amate fleet.  I've realized how important it is to always be slightly outside my comfort zone.  There is no certainty in the future, but as Dr. Jay says, by challenging myself I can claim my adulthood now.      

Although Dr. Jay does not directly mention spirituality in her book, we had the opportunity to explore how spirituality plays a part in our twenties at the in-service.  We were introduced to our prayer partners for the year, (another Amate member) and were able to delve into what our spirituality looks like now that we are in our twenties, out of college, and away from our families and loved ones.  In Amate, we talk about how this year is a “year of growth”, and through this in-service I realized how important it is for me to take ownership and become aware of how I am individually shaping my spirituality.  I have realized that I have so many more questions about my spirituality now that I am an adult, which I think means that I am growing or at least open to growth.  Thank you Dr. Jay and Amate for giving me assurance that this time in my life isn't random, and that I actually have a great amount of control in dictating my future.  I can’t wait to begin more adventures in my defining decade—my mom always says “every day is a gift” and I now know that especially in my twenties, every day is an opportunity.

Finding Life in Vulnerability

The following is a reflection written by Maddie Jarrett, one of this year's North House Volunteers.

Over fall retreat, I was opened to a number of new experiences, ideas, and relationships. But perhaps most powerfully of all, my heart and mind were opened to the life-giving power of vulnerability. From this revelation, my reflection is born:

Finding Life in Vulnerability

Living in community is not easy. Here are some examples of non-easy things: Not having Wi-Fi; making dinner for ten; giving up energy and lots and lots of time for your community; trusting people whom you’ve only known for two months; trying to understand those who are very different from you; navigating conflict in an open, peaceful, and productive way; and last but not least, being vulnerable. In a way, vulnerability encompasses many of these difficult tasks. For instance, vulnerability is the foundation of mutual understanding, and rarely is conflict productive without vulnerability from all sides.

But, as I previously mentioned, vulnerability is not easy. It takes courage and strength. It requires the difficult and sometimes painful task of removing both our own and others’ emotional, spiritual, and interpersonal barriers. It asks us to let go of what is familiar, known, and comfortable and to reach toward the unknown, the unexplored, and sometimes, the uncomfortable. In this brave and often frightening extension, we break the barriers of social stigma, isolation, and interpersonal limitations, opening up a new space in which joy, creativity, meaning, and love flourish.

It is critical to note that this type of life-giving vulnerability requires two intentional movements. Firstly, it necessitates a personal submission to vulnerability. Secondly, it calls for willingness and concrete effort to understand the wounds of others.

In order to walk with others in the experience of their wounds, we must first tend to our own. Albeit painful, we must be willing to open ourselves, reveal our wounds, so that by the power and grace found in a (literal and figurative) communal embrace, our scars may be redeemed. In the communal embrace of acceptance, solidarity and love, the wounds are transformed into beacons of hope for all. Just as Christ’s wounds were redeemed by his death and resurrection, our wounds are also redeemed by self-giving actions of unconditional acceptance and love. Opening oneself to others is a terrifying experience, but it allows one to truly experience the love of community.

Life-giving vulnerability also requires action to understand the wounds of others. Cultivate curiosity (™ Catherine Scallen) about the words and actions of housemates or those encountered in the work-setting. Instead of protesting (e.g. “I cannot believe he/she did x, y or z!”), ask (e.g. “What caused him/her to act this way? And what do his/her actions indicate about his/her needs for love, acceptance, healing, etc?”). Over the weekend, I was reminded of the fact that people act the way they do for certain reasons. There is always so much more to the story, as understood in both good and bad contexts, than the eye can see. Judgment leaves no room for compassion or connection via understanding, and thus, no room for healing. It is important to note that none of this involves trying to change or fix another person, but rather necessitates a deep, compassionate, and intentional mutual understanding such that the “looking upon from a distance” of judgment becomes the “walking with” of compassion.

This retreat opened my eyes to how expansive our mission as Amate Volunteers, and moreover, as members of the human race, actually is. We are not just being called to serve. We are being called to create and participate in a community of acceptance, solidarity, healing, and love. In order for this community to flourish, we must be vulnerable, both recognizing our own wounds and seeking to understand the wounds of others. In this vulnerability, the mission to heal wounds and sow love, that is, the mission of a service community, is brought to life.

Post-Amate Life: Teaching For and With Others

The following is a reflection written by Tim Bristol, one of our Volunteers from the 2013-2014 Program Year. After finishing his year with Amate in June, Tim moved to Los Angeles, where he is currently participating in the PLACE Corps program at Loyola Marymount University.

Last Christmas break, I flew home to my small town in Upstate New York from Chicago. I officially was halfway through the year. I had somehow survived one semester at the Rodney D. Joslin campus of Perspective Charter Schools with some intense, crazy, and hilarious teenagers. My first ever semester of teaching—Honors Statistics, Middle School Health and Fitness, advising a grades 6-12 classroom designed for growth as a person, and individualized middle school math interventions—finally completed.  At home, I had a few things to look forward to, like getting back to Chicago to be with my new Amate family, a new semester of classes to teach, and some new responsibilities of ACT prep and Algebra I tutoring and targeted instruction.  I was fully utilizing my degree in Math Education from Canisius College less than a year after graduation by volunteering at Amate House and I knew that I still had so much more to learn about myself and teaching, all of which Amate brought to me.

I also had some time to start thinking about life after Amate. Being from New York, I needed to complete my certification in teaching by earning a Master’s degree.  After cruising and googling a little bit to do some researching, I came across the PLACE Corps program through one of the nation’s top Jesuit universities, Loyola Marymount University in Los Angeles.  PLACE Corps, similar to Notre Dame’s ACE program, is a program where someone with teaching credentials or with little to no teaching background commits to two years teaching in a underfunded Catholic school in Los Angeles County, receiving a master’s degree at LMU, and living in community with other teachers.  Three people in my community, Matt, Erika, and Lauren all came from LMU and sometimes just couldn't keep quiet about how awesome it was in beautiful southern California.  How could I not be interested? Another couple of years living in community developing close relationships and growing professionally and spiritually? It was nearly impossible to ignore this offer. It seemed too blatantly obvious God’s plan for me was to continue my teaching and growth in southern California.

I applied and got an interview in mid-February. Conveniently, some PLACE representatives flew out to Chicago from Los Angeles and ultimately were frozen due to the polar vortex making its way down from the arctic, but luckily they were able to thaw out in time for my interview. I knew I’d be talking a great deal about my experiences and role in community at Amate and my background in first year teaching in an urban charter school. I didn't rehearse many (if any) questions—my experiences at Amate and Joslin were so authentic and I was proud that I was associated with Amate and volunteering at Joslin. It definitely showed. I left the interview confident that I had earned a spot, and sure enough, I got the acceptance from PLACE Corps about a month later.

I've been living in Los Angeles for exactly three months now and Amate has certainly prepared me for PLACE. It’s been four weeks since beginning at St. Pius X - St. Matthias Academy and I couldn't be happier with where I am professionally.  I am integrating my Jesuit education ideas of cura personalis of development of the whole person to my teaching practice and doing my absolute best to be a man for and with others.  I feel confident in doing this after getting those first year teaching jitters out of the way.  I owe a lot of my confidence and success a few weeks into teaching from what I learned about instruction and teaching practices because of volunteering at Joslin.  My coworkers at Joslin were always encouraging and wanted to see me grow professionally and, though my job was certainly challenging, I thank God everyday for Joslin, the staff I worked with, and the students I taught and impacted.

My year at Amate House was more than just living with roommates and volunteering for a non-profit organization. Amate brought me things that I could never have imagined and is still teaching me things three months out.  I find myself often referring back to and reflecting on the five tenets of stewardship, social justice, faith, community, and service on a daily basis and I anticipate continuing to learn these tenets for the rest of my life.  The relationships that I developed with community and staff during my time with Amate House are held so closely to my heart and there isn't a day that passes where I am not thankful for their presence in my life. With that being said, SoHo 13-14, FOREVAH!!!

Post Script - The Ode to Chris Wagar:

My routine was pretty simple—I was always the first one out of the house for tutoring Algebra students at the Rodney D. Joslin Perspectives Charter School campus at 7 am every morning.  Every morning before I would leave, Chris Wagar, one of the fearless leaders of Amate House, would check in with me. Our conversations ranged from the cheesy smile on my face after talking about my girlfriend who lived in Little Village, the excitement of a upcoming road trip with a close housemate, and everything else in between regarding Amate events, community, and work.  These morning talks would rarely be short. In fact, I would wake up an extra few minutes early just to enjoy a good conversation with her (that’s if I willingly didn't wake up even earlier to shovel the walk to prevent the neighbors, my community members, and Amate staff from trekking through the snow).  I tended to have to run to the bus stop to prevent me missing the 62 Archer bus or break a sweat biking hard to work because I was talking to Chris for too long, but it was worth it.  Chris Wagar is one of the many faces of Amate House and one of the biggest go-doers for the program. She’s a big reason why it has been so successful for so many years and was a huge part of my life at Amate. Thank you Chris for all that you give to everyone that passes through the Amate House doors and all the great conversation and banter back and forth you’d give me so early every morning!

Amate House is now accepting applications for the 2015-2016 Program Year! Click here to learn more about how to apply. To learn more about PLACE Corps, click here.

The Real World

The following is a reflection written by Therese Diola, one of this year's Little Village House Volunteers.

The “Real World”: “The true story of seven strangers, picked to live in a house, work together and have their lives taped, to find out what happens when people stop being polite… and start getting real.” This may as well be the intro for the start of my journey as an Amate House volunteer. Unlike the show, an additional detail must be added that us Amate House volunteers all share the same goal of putting love into action as we are provided with experiences of full time service to people in need, community living, and faith formation. Yet, similar to the popular MTV show, I am positive we will all end the year with lifelong friends, stories of adventure and undeniable self-growth.

After graduating from Michigan State University this May, I was a bit nervous at the idea of trading my accustomed life as a college student for a new beginning in the unfamiliar city of Chicago. However, nearly a month and a half into the year, I now consider myself an expert “L” rider, a Chicago Cubs fan and I've learned to replace ketchup on my hot dogs with mustard, onions, pickles, relish, peppers and tomatoes. Most significantly, the 7 complete “strangers” I live with have now become my dear friends. From the short amount of time we've lived together, we have learned a startling amount about one another. From our numerous deep conversations and frequently playing “20 Questions” and “Would You Rather”, we've discovered how we operate, what our dreams are, what we believe in and which of us would rather have fingers as long as legs than legs as long as fingers. From our spontaneous rock out sessions, not so deep “girl talks” and spells of uncontrollable laughter we've come to love and embrace one another’s quirks, goofiness and weirdness - being a huge goofball this is good news for me! Because of my roommates and the other Amate House volunteers, Chicago has become my second home on the other side of the Lake.

This past week marked my 4th week of working as the program coordinator for Trinity Volunteer Corps. We are an organization based out of Old St. Patrick’s church in downtown Chicago and we seek to promote inclusion of adults with intellectual and developmental disabilities in their community by securing and developing meaningful volunteer opportunities. Volunteers are given the chance to express and cultivate their unique gifts by volunteering throughout the community. I have been granted the immense pleasure of working alongside Trinity Volunteers with one of a kind talents and personalities including: a studio room full of artists, a rock band, linguists, zoologists, avid gardeners, sports lovers, singers, actors, chefs, astrology experts, Disney villain enthusiasts and even a mayor! Though each volunteer differs, their welcoming smiles, eagerness to help and tremendous hearts are things they all share in common. 

Last Sunday I assisted with putting on a Special Friend’s mass at Old St. Pat’s, which was an incredible experience. Special Friend’s masses are celebrated with children and adults with special needs who serve as lectors, singers and hospitality ministers. Looking around the room during mass I was overwhelmed with the sense of community I felt as I witnessed individuals with and without disabilities working together.

In the society we live in, it is easy to grow comfortable in the niche of people that we find to be similar to ourselves and we unknowingly create categories and divisions for anything that differs from our “norm”. Nonetheless, with my recent exposures in Chicago, a city chock-full of culture, it has become more and more apparent that diversity in our society makes us rich, beautiful and valuable. 

Through Amate House, Trinity Volunteer Corps and Old St. Pat’s, I have been given incredibly enriching opportunities - the chance to help others cultivate their gifts, share their story and celebrate diversity, as well as the chance to add amazing experiences and wonderful friends to my own story. I am extremely #blessed.

Friendships and Gratitude

The following is a reflection written by Anna Paige Frein, one of this year's South House Volunteers.

After spending a year with my head in the books pursuing my MSW degree I knew I was ready to step out of my comfort zone and into a new environment where I would be challenged and encouraged to actively love others through service. I had no idea what to expect when walking through the doors to my new Amate home on the first day of August. On the other side of that door I discovered nine of the most interesting and hilarious individuals imaginable. All of my housemates have different life experiences, beliefs, and worldviews to offer. Some say pop and some say soda. Some are artists, athletes, bookworms, musicians, and travelers, and most of us are just trying to figure out this thing called life.

The wonderful thing about Amate House is that it brings together dozens of young adults from all over the nation who are willing to spend a year serving others. We may all come from unique places and backgrounds, but we are all here for the same reason. Throughout orientation we were able to open up about our individual experiences with service, social justice, faith, and community, which helped us form the foundation for our year to come. We have come to realize that we are all in this together. We will all have to shovel snow in the winter, help jump the Amate cars when they do not start in the morning, and encourage each other when we have challenging days.  

The two weeks of orientation also allowed us to learn more about the program, build friendships, and explore the city and our neighborhoods. As a small town Arkansan I am so excited to live in a city that has frequent street festivals, concerts and movies in Millennium Park, and deep dish pizza. However, my favorite part so far has been getting to know all of my housemates and the other Amate House volunteers. We have bonded over the fact that we are all super weird and I am pretty sure there will rarely be a dull moment around our house. Our time around the dinner table has been filled with stories and laughter, and our weekends have been filled with fun and adventure. 

Now that orientation is over we all get to embark together on this year long journey of service. We have already been at our sites for a few days now and every afternoon someone has an interesting story to share about their placement. Most of the volunteers in my house serve as mentors, teachers, social service workers, or volunteer coordinators at agencies that serve at-risk populations on the South Side of Chicago. On my first day of work at St. Sabina Catholic Charities my supervisor told me that one of the main things I will hopefully take away from this year is a new sense of gratitude for all that I have been given. She is already spot on! After spending one week at my site I have already experienced renewed gratitude for the people and experiences that have brought me to this point in my life and for the opportunity to serve alongside all of these new great people this upcoming year. I am especially thankful for the little things like being able to watch the parade for the Jackie Robinson West championship little league team from the South Side with my new coworkers today. The sense of pride and excitement for this team was contagious and it made me feel like a member of the St. Sabina community. 

The first month of Amate has been an incredible experience so far.  I can only imagine where a year will take us! I am always one to look ahead to the distant future, so I have already thought about what it will be like leaving this group of beautiful people at the end of the year. But then I stopped myself because I did not want to take away from the present moment. For now I get to spend every day with this group of authentic and eclectic people and I could not be happier.

Last Day of School

The following is a reflection by Tim Young, one of our North House Volunteers.

I remember when I was growing up, that I couldn't wait until June 6th came, because the school year would finally be over and I could enjoy my summer. I didn't have to think about school again until the 3rd week of August, when I would have to go back to school. I would start a countdown in my assignment book starting in May, where I would cross out the days, so when the teacher jokingly asked how many days were left, I was fully prepared to answer them.

This year was dramatically different…this year I’m on the opposite side of the desk. I have seen kids who, if I asked, how many days were left in May, they would be able to tell me the exact number of days. Today is the last day of school at St. Mary of the Lake School, my site for 2013-2014 Amate House year. I have been blessed to be a part of the s
chool this year, through my service with Preschool, 2nd/3rd grade, 4th/5th, along with my after-school program. I started this year as a complete stranger, as each were to me. As the year progressed, I found it hard to think of life without each and every one of them. My students this year has not only changed because of me, but they have also changed me. Heading into this year, I had never worked in a school before, but I knew with my year of service, that I wanted to be placed in a school that needed the help.

Throughout my year, my students have taught me not only about the countries in which they came from, but they also taught me a lesson on resiliency. Students have overcome language barriers, problems at home, or the loss of a loved one. Students are forced to deal with these issues while caring a heavy workload. I tried to bring with me each day a listening ear, and a smile to help out the students in anyway possible, which seemed to make all the difference in the world to some. Others, I had to try harder and over time, I was able to truly connect with those students. I stressed to my students the importance of education to accomplish their lofty goals, which in turn, taught me that I had to set my own lofty goals and accomplish them just like my students. I have seen significant growth from each of my students from the beginning of the year to the end, beyond my wildest dreams.

So as I finish my last day of school, now I’m the one who didn't count down the days until the end of school. I am the one who is wishing for more time with my students, so that I could see their smiling faces; receive their hugs and high-fives every morning when I get to school. Each of my students has left an important impact to me this year that I cannot put into words.

Amate House is still accepting applications for the 2014-15 Program Year! To learn more, visit us at www.amatehouse.org or call the office at 773-376-2445!

Discerning God's Plans

The following is a reflection by Amy Streit, one of this year's North House Volunteers. She shared this story as part of the North House community's Pentecost Reflections, which took place last Wednesday.

“And He said to them, “O foolish men and slow of heart to believe in all that the prophets have spoken! Was it not necessary for the Christ to suffer these things and to enter into His glory?” Then beginning with Moses and with all the prophets, He explained to them the things concerning Himself in all the Scriptures.”
Luke 24: 25-27

How did we get here? And where are we going next?

This was probably a question that the disciples on the Road to Emmaus asked in the passage above, after realizing that while they missed Jesus, they still did not recognize Him when He was present with them.

 I feel like this is also a question that we often ask ourselves, whether we are trying to do a quick check in or prepare to make a transition for our future.

This year has been a year of transition for me, very much like that of other volunteers. I came here to Amate House after completing a year of service in Sacramento, CA where I served as a volunteer at a day shelter for homeless women and children and an assistant teacher in a Montessori Preschool for homeless children. The whole reason I picked my service site for last year was so that I would not be serving in an educational setting, which seemed silly last year, but even funnier now as I serve as a preschool teacher’s assistant for eight different classrooms with three to five year old children.

This year I feel that I have learned how to better transition or adjust in different situations, but it hasn’t been easy. At the beginning of the year, I especially struggled with making transitions from one classroom to another. I felt that I would finally connect to a classroom of students, learn all of their names, get to know to them as individuals, then be switched to a different class. I had not really had this type of experience before, something that required me to be so flexible and open to the needs of the other teachers, but I feel that this was a way that I was able to recognize how God was guiding me to better influence the children that I worked with.

Something that I have lost in this past year, outside of my service site, would be part of my plans for my future, as well as something that I truly used to identify myself. For the past four years I have been discerning religious life, and this played a big part not only in my plans for my future, but also in my spiritual development and the reasons that I chose to participate in Amate House.

This Easter I discovered that it would not be possible for me to continue to discern with the order that I was in contact and this was the second time that this had happened to me in the past two years. I was turned down due to a diagnosis of depression that I have had for half of my life.  When I first found out this information I honestly did not know how to handle it. It took me a while to get to the point where I could think clearly about the situation and make a decision, but the whole time my community was there to support me. After sitting with the situation for a couple of weeks, I realized that I felt that maybe I was no longer being called to religious life. This was one of the hardest decisions that I had to make, and was definitely not something that I took lightly, but I was so blessed by the outpouring of love I received from my housemates as well as the children that I worked with. It was hard to not feel a sense of pain and despair about the situation, especially the first few days after making my final decision, but the love, compassion, kindness, and sense of joy that I recognized in other truly helped me to overcome these challenges. Through all of this, the Spirit has been guiding me. The day before I was contacted by the religious order, I began an application process to join a Catholic Worker Community in the city where I went to school. Since making this decision I have remained in contact the community, which I will be visiting this June, with the possibility of becoming a live-in community member later this summer.

Now going back to my experience at Saint Vincent’s. In the past month, I have been able to spend more time in one classroom which has helped me to recognize the importance of being open to being present to all of the students. Prior to this month I would only see the children from this classroom outside or at random times when I would step in for a little while during the day, so I didn’t really know many of the children that well. The teachers have all been very encouraging and affirming, reminding me of my skills and talents, and allowing me to recognize where I can best help. I soon began spending more time with one little boy was very kind and friendly, but seemed to really be displaying some challenging behaviors towards his classmates and teachers. On the day that I met him, he was having trouble listening, and became pretty angry. When I first began talking to him I thought that he was angry at me, but he openly shared that he was truly angry about things going on in his home life, which affected his behavior. I spent time with him throughout that day, hoping to make things a little easier. At the end of the day I went to say goodbye to him, and he wouldn’t have it. I explained that I would be back the day after tomorrow, we looked at the calendar together, and I promised that I would give him a hug when I came back. The day I came back I was already in the class when he arrived, and when he saw me he simply hugged me and told me he knew I would come back. I now realize that this experience would have never happened if I hadn’t died to my expectations, my hopes to stay comfortable and remain with “my” students, and been able to step into the unknown to make them all “mine.”


This memory says a lot for me, but it also helps me to make wonderful connections to my own life. It tells me that no matter what is happening in our lives, we always have people who are willing to help us. It comforts me to remember that God has a plan for what is happening within us, and many things happen so that we may be more understanding of those who struggle. But mostly, it reminds me to lose expectations that I have, about what I should be doing, and remember to become more open to how God might use me to serve him.

Beyond the Tomb

The following is a reflection by Caitlin Kerwin, one of this year's North House Volunteers. She shared this story as part of the North House community's Pentecost Reflections, which took place this past Wednesday.

I finally had a post-college plan. I’ll do a year of service, go to grad school to get my Masters in Social Work (whatever that means), and become a counselor. I was moving to a new city and doing something different and exciting. I couldn’t wait to get experience with case management before going back to school. I expected none of these plans to change in my 10 months as an Amate House volunteer, but things never really turn out exactly how I expect them to. God had something a little different in mind.

When reflecting on the Pentecost story, I couldn't help but see myself in Mary Magdalene as she opens up the tomb of Jesus to find something she does not expect. She does not find Jesus where she expected Him to be. She does not even recognize him when she does find Jesus. As my time as an Amate House volunteer comes to a close, I feel as though things have not gone as I expected them to go 9 months ago. I feel like Mary Magdalene clinging to her expectations of Jesus, just about ready to let go and walk in a different direction for something new.

Since August, I have been working at Lakeview Pantry as the West Pantry Assistant Coordinator (I know, what an exciting title…). Most of my position consists of running the daily operations of the pantry’s West site alongside my supervisor, Carrie. The other part of my position consists of working with the manager of client services by meeting with clients one-on-one during walk-in case management hours at the pantry’s East site. The main reason I picked my position was because of the case management experience I would gain. I expected this to be the best part of the job. Who would be better at listening to people’s problems than me?? I was wrong. Although I am not terrible at case management, it is certainly not something I want to be doing for the rest of my life.

This year has really made me question whether direct service is for me. Just recently, I had an absolutely terrible day at work. A client became very upset and told me that I should not be allowed to work at Lakeview Pantry. I was absolutely devastated and although I knew I should take what she said with a grain of salt, her words made me no longer want anything to do with direct service. A week later, I was covering for my supervisor once again during distribution on a Saturday. Toward the end of my day, a client came up to me and said the most gracious thing. “You know, you are doing a great job. It’s sometimes so hard to come to a place like this. It can feel so…undignified. But I do not feel like that here.” She had no idea what had happened a week earlier, but I felt like she knew I needed to hear this. She assured me that I was where I was supposed to be; doing what I was supposed to be doing. The best part of my job are the days when I am at the West site running the pantry. I know it sounds extremely nerdy, but this year I discovered how much I enjoy managing and supervising people. It brings me so much joy when the volunteers have had a great time and the clients appreciate the organized operations of the pantry. I love making people feel welcome and appreciated.

My time as an Amate House volunteer has made me even more confused than ever about my future. In the beginning of winter, I ruled out Grad school as an option because I don’t know what I want to go for, and I don’t want to waste money on something my heart is not completely set on. When I ruled out Grad school, I was still unsure about what jobs I even wanted to apply for. I had expected to love the case management part of my job, and that is the opposite of what happened. About a month ago, I started applying to jobs that I thought looked interesting and that fit with my experience running part of the operations of a not for profit food pantry. I’m still confused about what city I want to be in and what I will be doing after my time with Amate House, but I would rather be confused now, than regretful in Grad school. I am so grateful that I picked my site placement even if it was originally for the wrong reason. I’m taking one step forward and trusting that God is walking with me. I am no longer a confused Mary Magdalene, but the Mary Magdalene that finally recognizes Jesus outside of the tomb in the garden. I’m not sure where I am going, but I’ll see when I get there.

Senior Year at Amate

The following is a reflection written by Lexie Purcell, one of this year's North House Volunteers.

Changing diapers, singling lullabies, living in community, moving away from all my family and friends and surviving the coldest winter of my life-these were things I never envisioned happening all in one year, let alone during what was supposed to be my senior year of college. As everyone I've ever gone to school with graduates this month, I've started to reflect on what my life with Amate House has meant to me during this time in my life. I was blessed with the opportunity and option to graduate with my Bachelor’s degree one year earlier than the majority of my classmates. When this option was presented to me, I felt I was ready to graduate, but I wanted to make sure I took advantage of this rare situation in a special and unique way. I decided to take my ‘senior year’ and perform a year of service with it. I wished to serve others in need, contribute to a vibrant community of volunteers and grow in my faith life. Little did I know, I would be changed forever by so much more by joining the Amate House community.

As my classmates started student teaching, writing their senior capstones or attending their last semesters of classes, I was moving to a much larger city with 11 strangers from across the country. I had little time to think about the life I had left behind because the Amate experience was already at work. I was now part of a household and family of young adults, I was a teacher to infants and toddlers and for the first time, I realized I had a vital role in how and where I was living my life. What I did and how I reacted to situations not only affected me, but my community at home and at work. I was finally part of a true community-something I deeply desired to be a part of during college.

There is no doubt I would have grown in college by completing another year with my classmates. Yet, I now can’t imagine my life without Amate. Living in an intentional community challenged me, it allowed me to look inward in order to know myself better. It also gave me the opportunity to build lasting relationships with people I would have never been able to meet otherwise. My fellow community members have been with me on this journey every step of the way. They have laughed and cried with me; they have discussed social justice issues, faith journeys, work experiences, hopes and dreams about the future with me. In college I would have never imagined I could grow this close to people in a few short months; but now, I can no longer look back without thinking about my Amate experience.

I decided to spend my ‘senior year’ of college dedicated to a service oriented experience. Instead, I gained a new appreciation for life, a new love for all the children at my work site, invaluable knowledge about myself and what I want for my future, a community of supportive, energetic and loving housemates, a great leap in my faith journey and memories and lessons that will last a lifetime. I wouldn't trade my ‘senior year’ for anything in the world.    

Preparing to be Unprepared

The following is a reflection written by Jackie Fielding, one of this year's North House Volunteers.

If you had spoken to me this time last year, I would have probably told you all about my passion for birth work. I studied pregnancy, birth, and infant parenting for both schoolwork and as a pastime in college. One summer I trained to become a birth doula, which is essentially a support person, knowledge base, and advocate for families during labor and delivery. Amate House fit my interests perfectly: a year of service, getting close with a community of other people who enjoy helping others, and most of all, working with teen moms and caring for small infants. I was goal-oriented, and after checking “graduate college” off of my list, Amate was next.

I imagined cradling babies, helping teen moms realize their potential, and putting my four years of college knowledge to good use. I envisioned myself reading baby books, learning about the stages of development, and discussing interesting alternative parenting methods with my coworkers and clients.

I had some ambivalence in the summer before Amate, particularly because I didn’t visit my worksite before accepting the position. I was also suffering from FOMO, or Fear of Missing Out on another position that might help me explore the legal field, another one of my interests. But I walked into Amate fairly confident, excited to meet my community, and anxious to get to my work placement site.

My worksite held several surprises for me. While there were teen moms who came to the daycare center, there were many more middle-class white community parents. Most of the teen moms already had mentors, and when one of them finally agreed to let me mentor her, she wanted nothing to do with me. Rocking babies turned out to be hard. Actually, everything with babies seemed hard: changing the diaper of a child who is constantly flipping over on the changing table, feeding a child who is looking around the room with such a circumference that they manage to get pureed food on their shoulders, (attempting to) rock a child who so badly doesn’t want to take a nap that they are willing to scream, cry, kick, slap, punch, pull hair, writhe in your arms, and poke you in the face.

Looking back, the biggest surprise for me was how completely unqualified and unprepared I was for the situation. I had just assumed that my interests and my degree gave me a level of ability in any place I tried to work, but that was not the case. Without any experience, I felt that I was useless in my position, a failure. I was convinced that I had chosen the wrong placement, that I was not helping my center at all, that none of the kids liked me, and that I was just in the way. I was like a city girl on a farm trying to milk a cow for the first time: no amount of reading or mental preparation can prepare you for the doing part.

After a few weeks of struggling to stay out of everyone’s way, searching for any small task I could do that would seem helpful, and being upset with myself for choosing a placement that wasn't a good match, I spoke with my supervisor about making a change. The day I had started happened to be the day that the previous office manager quit. The center was struggling to get by without someone in that administrative role, and with my business degree, I knew how to do many basic office tasks.

It was a great fall. I got ten hours a week of classroom time, then the rest of my time I was working on improving the center behind the scenes, where I was comfortable: accounting, PR, and general organizational work. I got to spend much more time with my wonderful supervisor, who was also new to her position, and we learned so much side by side. Many challenges arose from the fact that the previous office manager left without training me, but I did the best that I could, and felt I was really making a positive impact on the center. God had really put me there for a reason.

Then, I got a message that AmeriCorps found out I’d completely switched my position, and did not approve. I would have to completely give up my eligibility for the AmeriCorps $5,000+ education grant if I continued working in the office instead of doing my original position description. I was heartbroken; I’d finally found where I was meant to be, where I could thrive and help out and feel fulfilled, and now I had to give it up.

Going back to the classroom was not easy, especially because it took months for the center to find a new office manager, so I was doing some administrative tasks on the side. The office may have felt occasionally lonely, but being in a room with sixteen other people for eight hours a day often feels overwhelming. And while my housemates had the entire fall season to learn about their jobs and get into the groove of things, I had been learning a completely different position, and now had to figure out my job all over again.

Fast-forward about six months, to where I am today. I absolutely, without a doubt, adore my kids. I have watched four kids learn to walk, nine learn to crawl, heard them stutter out their first words, helped them learn colors and animals. I have learned their habits, how to convince them to eat vegetables, what to do when they’re screaming for no reason, how to hold three babies in my lap as I read a story to them. I’ve learned the names and stories of forty-six kids, and built relationships with them. But more important than learning the fastest way to change a diaper and the cleanest way to open baby food, I’ve learned to live life past the goals. Caring for children is not a checklist, but a journey, a day-to-day encounter with the good, the bad, the messy, and the wonderful. And what I feared would be a monotonous, never-ending task without any “destination” in the end, has become a fulfillment in a deep-rooted desire for caring for others that I didn't even realize I had.

In the end, I think God did want me at my placement site. I learned and grew more than I might have in a different site that seemed “easier” at first. From day one of Amate I had been thinking about doing another year of service, and I recently (excitedly!) committed to my second year. I am so anxious and excited to see what kind of challenges God places before me. This time around, I’m prepared to feel completely unprepared for my new position!

I am so thankful for the supportive community, for my co-workers, and of course, my wonderful kids. Thank you for teaching me how to live each day as a learning, growing, changing person. I will definitely take the lessons and the memories learned this year with me for the rest of my life!