Movement in our Rebirth

The following is an Advent reflection written by Carlavee Ervas, one of this year's Little Village House Volunteers.

Rebirth is when you feel anew.  When you feel like you have a chance to start over again or to do better. It doesn't just happen one time, there can be a rebirth in each season of our lives and it is a process. The best thing about rebirth is that you’re given a new life, a chance to live out this life and live it to the fullest if you let yourself.

I experienced my first rebirth in 8th grade. I went to a Life in the Spirit Seminar Retreat where I encountered God for the first time. God showed himself as Love to me.  I was so taken by God that I wanted to know him more. And I did. I attended youth group meetings, got to know God through prayer, worship, service, study, and the sacraments but my journey didn't end when I got to know God better. I had another rebirth coming up.

During college God was still love to me but God also took on the form of hope. I loved my college experience much more than my high school one, but college was a difficult season for me.  I had episodes of depression and anxiety where I felt hopeless, I couldn't concentrate, I felt lethargic but I couldn't fall asleep. I didn't do well in my classes and felt pathetic and ashamed. There were times when I felt so lifeless, I didn't see the reason for morning to come.  It only meant another day of living and there was no point in that.

But, God didn't think so and I was able to get through college. I graduated but I was very broken.  Over the summer of 2013 I took the time to take care of myself and let God mold me. I continued to go to church and youth group. I got part time jobs as a music therapist and as a music teacher. I worked on myself, I went to therapy, let myself treat myself, and trusted in God that He could make anything new. And He did.

I’m happy to say that I’m not that same person in college. The summer of 2013 – the summer of 2014 was a year of rebirth for me. And that rebirth led me to keep growing. Out of my desire to grow, God led me to Amate House. Although I had jobs related to my desired profession, I felt God calling me to serve in a different way. So I decided to do this year of service with the intention to continue my personal growth and deepen my relationship with God through community and service. Each day, I find myself seeking God in the everyday moments. At dinner with community and when we are just hanging out, through conversations with my co-workers about our elders and faith, in my elders’ smiles and when they express their sorrow, I find God saying to me “This is where you will find me and this is how you grow”.

During this time of Advent, I know everyone is going through a different spiritual walk but I pray that as we walk this journey, that we would allow God to mold us in whatever areas we feel we need molding in and that we would keep that openness and vulnerability so that we can grow for better and allow ourselves to transform into who we are.