Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Grieving the Old and Celebrating the New

The following is a reflection prepared for Ashleigh Knoeferl, one of this year's North House Volunteers. Ashleigh shared this reflection as part of her community's Pentecost Reflections, which explores the movements of the Paschal Mystery. Ashleigh spoke of "The Forty Days before the Ascension", and the themes of change and reception of new life.


The 40 days before Jesus’ Ascension: described as a time for adjustment to the new and for grieving the old. It seems like an appropriate description for Amate House, doesn’t it? This time last year, we were certainly grieving the old. Grieving our four years spent in our undergraduate, all the friends we made, the memories we shared. It doesn’t seem fair that we only had a year to adjust to this new life outside of school. But Amate House offers more than just time for adjustment. It offered a brand new look at reality. One that is uncomfortable, intentional, and counter-cultural.

The apostles spent the 40 days before Jesus’ Ascension doing exactly the opposite of what Jesus told them to do. Go out and change the world? More like hide in their rooms in fear of persecution. But really, I am not one to judge. I like to seem braver than I am. No one knows this about me, but on move-in day, I actually started crying out of nowhere when I was only ten minutes away from what my community members and I now affectionately call “NoHo.”

Was I nervous about moving to a new city? Was I not ready for community life? Honestly, I will never know, because I did not allow myself the necessary time to reflect and move on; I just brushed it off and put on a face. I realize now that I have been too eager to move on to the next. Allowing yourself a little time to adjust is a healthy part of self-care. Thankfully, Amate has been a HUGE advocate of this time for reflection. I think that is a lesson that will stick with me well beyond this year. In order to care for others, you must first take care of yourself.

So really, we need this time for adjustment. We need this time to grieve the old. Even me, who has always believed I can adapt to anything. This in-between time of grieving and adjustment is not weakness. In fact, it is a necessary part of moving forward.

Now, I am thankful to live in a house that recognizes how perfectly uncomfortable this year has been, and what a pivotal experience this is for us. What do I mean by “perfectly uncomfortable”? I mean that my house has challenged me to open up in ways I never thought I could. When my roommates start a conversation with “Let’s get intimate!” you know you’re about to discuss something really deep. Whether it comes from a memory from your past or from a musing about a workday, it’s more than just a personal story; with my “NoHo” community, it’s contemplation and reflection that challenges you to really think about the situation and put it in a different perspective.

This opportunity to reflect out loud will not always present itself so easily when we are released into the real world. Who is going to ask me to “get intimate” after this year? Who will prompt me to open up and reflect? This is something I will need to prompt myself. But then again, that was the whole purpose for this year, wasn’t it? To learn from the discomfort and create these habits so that we can lead just lives and, hopefully, touch the lives of others around us. What a difference this year has made for me! From unfounded nervous tears to intentional daily reflection with my fellow Volunteers, self-care and contemplation has become all but second nature to us.



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