Being Present

The following is a reflection by Allison Schallock, one of this year's South House Volunteers.

During the course of a week, a month or a yearlong volunteer experience, I would imagine that many, like myself are faced with the question, “What difference am I making?” It’s hard to know whether or not the little tasks I have completed or the people I have interacted with are really “changed” because of my work. I used to think that service was about completely changing or “fixing” the way someone lived. Maybe service is not about that drastic change at all. Maybe it is about being present, listening and loving those who are struggling.

For example, take an eight year-old girl named Ariana. Ariana began this year with a lot of anger, attitude, and lack of motivation for anything and everything. She was a very unhappy child and often played off her frustrations as no big deal. Ariana would refuse to do school work, participate in class, or actively engage with anyone.

After about two months of school, the principal, assistant principal, second grade teacher and I had a meeting with Ariana and her mother. Once the door was shut, Ariana broke down and began to cry. She told us that she hurt inside and didn’t know why. Her 17 year-old brother would tease her and pick on her while watching her at home after school. Her mother worked and took night class in order to support her family and there was no other family around to watch Ariana. It was difficult for Ariana’s mother to manage the 17 year-old high school drop-out. But Ariana told us that she wanted to learn and be smart so she could go to high school and college someday. She wanted to be a doctor for babies. We reminded Ariana that we were here to help and that we all cared for her very much.

It was this emotional meeting that sparked a change in Ariana. From that day on, she came into class every morning with a smile on her face, ready and excited to learn. The most amazing part of this whole transformation was that Ariana was internally motivated. She was not influenced by stickers and candy, but she wanted this for herself. Ariana quickly became one of the most likeable students in our second grade class. She was positive, enthusiastic, and hardworking. She would tell silly stories and share her quirky comments. Ariana was always a bright spot in my day.

About two weeks ago, the old Ariana entered our classroom once again. The anger, bad attitude, and lack of motivation were back in full force. Fearing this abrupt change, I took Ariana out into the hallway to practice her math facts. I casually asked Ariana if everything was ok. She broke down into tears and eventually told me that her 17 year-old brother was bullying her again. He would come into her room while she was playing with her toys and cuss at her. He would call her fat, ugly and tell her that she was never going to be anything good. I can only imagine what this might feel like for anyone, let alone an innocent, impressionable eight year-old girl.

As I talked with Ariana, I found hugging her tight. I was not about to let her slip back into her old self. I asked Ariana if she believed what her brother said about her and she said no. I reminded Ariana how lucky she is to have teachers and friends who care for her so much. At the end of our discussion, I told her that no matter what happened, no matter how sad or angry she was, she had to believe in herself. I reminded her of how much I care about her, just the way she is. Ariana looked up at me with a huge smile on her face and said, “Ms. Schallock, no one ever told me that before.”

My time at The Academy of Saint Benedict the African has taught me that even though I cannot change or fix the way someone lives, I can provide hope in the midst of their hurt. Ariana is just one of many fearful and hurting students. While I can’t stop the violence, abuse, and alcoholism that take place in their neighborhoods and homes, I can be a teacher, a role model, a friend, and a shoulder to cry on through difficult times. I can provide a safe place for my students to learn and I can be a constant reminder that they are cared for.