The following is reflection prepared by Kelsea Manion, a Volunteer in the North House community. Kelsea shared this reflection as part of her community's Pentecost Reflections, which explores the movements of the Paschal Mystery. Kelsea reflected on Christ's Ascension, and how she has experienced ascension and transformation through her service at Exodus World Service and in her experience of community living.
It can be very difficult to move on from
negative experiences without holding on to some of those old grudges. Often we
are told that hard times make us into better people, that without struggle we
wouldn’t know joy. While that advice may be true, rarely are we told that on a
deeper level, we should let these struggles bless us. That is an interesting
thing to consider. Let those negative moments bless me? Yet, if you identify
with the Christian faith, one of the greatest examples is the Passion of
Christ. He endured a horrible death, some of his best friends were not at his
side, and at one point he felt totally neglected by God. But in his Ascension,
we see Jesus completely at peace. He has appeared to his disciples, reassured them,
and letting his past experiences bless him (and all of us as a bonus), he moves
on to be with God.
Reflecting on this year as an Amate Volunteer,
there are times I can identify with this sense of peace and blessing, and there
are times I’m still working on finding peace.
As the year comes closer to the end, I think
a lot about ending well and how I will transition out of this experience. At
every transition point in my life, I’ve been very good at looking toward my
next steps and not worrying about staying connected with people from my past.
Aside from a few close friends, I don’t mind keeping things to just casual
Facebook updates, and although I like to think that I can move on with a
carefree attitude, I also know that I’m pretty good at holding grudges when an
experience has really hurt me. In many negative circumstances or tense
ex-friendships, I can honestly say that I haven’t been able to let these things
be a blessing. But I can say that I have experienced something completely
different this year at Amate House.
Moving in with 8 strangers was pretty
nerve-wracking for me, but I quickly realized that this year was going to be
different. Whether it was laughing together on an individual “date”, talking
about happy and hard decisions while cooking dinner, or experiencing some grace
when I get over-passionate about a certain topic, my housemates have shown me
genuine friendship that I can’t easily forget. I do not anticipate moving on
from this year and resorting back to occasional Facebook updates because I’ve built
a different type of trust and care for these friends. Perhaps recognizing these
differences has been the start of letting my harder experiences bless me, and I
hope that it will allow me to receive the fullness of the future of these
friendships.
Another insight I’ve reflected on this year
really started during my junior and senior years of college, when I began
having a lot of questions and not feeling connected with my faith community. I
was studying pastoral ministry, and while I enjoyed the subject matter, I
couldn’t see myself working in a church setting anymore and I was becoming
frustrated with stories I was hearing from other women who were in this
setting. I began considering every word that was said in the mass and I felt
alienated when none of the other students in my theology classes seemed
concerned with language about women written by many renowned theologians. Nothing
I read was really speaking my language anymore and I was beginning to think
that feminism and Catholicism were never going to mix.
Maybe they still don’t mix perfectly, but
luckily I had truly wonderful professors who guided me toward what I was looking
for. I began reading feminist theologians coming from the Catholic and other
faith traditions and I have been intrigued ever since. Finally, someone was
speaking to my heart and giving me a sense of solidarity with other women
around the world who have been feeling the same struggle.
Coming into my Amate year, I was free to
re-discover my faith and create a spirituality that made sense in my life. I’m
definitely early in my journey, but I can see that this was a healthy step for
me and also that these initial struggles and frustrations really did become a
blessing. With guidance from my spiritual companion, I know that I don’t have
to hold on to all of my old ways of prayer or reflection; it’s okay to
acknowledge that some things work for others and don’t work for me. From
experiences at work, I have been inspired by people who put their faith into
action by welcoming refugees to Chicago. Again and again I am humbled by
refugee families who arrive with so little, yet insist that I sit down and
drink tea or soda that they’ve brought from their home country. I’ve learned so
much from my roommates who come from different backgrounds and experiences and
who are willing to be vulnerable and share their lives and experiences with me.
All of these pieces from my year in Chicago have become a part of my
spirituality and my connection with the Divine, and I know that these pieces
will still be a part of me as I move toward the future.
Similar in theme to Jesus’ Ascension, all of
us Volunteers are getting ready for the next step. We probably have all had
both difficult and truly wonderful experiences this year at our work sites and
with our communities. I hope that like me, you have discovered something new in
yourself by letting go of the things that were painful and embracing the
fullness of friendship, community, and the future.
